Making the Grade, Socially by Teri Allen, OTR Do you remember the kids who were the “in crowd” and how you longer for their approval? Do you remember being afraid that you would be the last one chosen for the ball team, or how lonely you were when there was no one to play with? Your child will have many of the same feelings and experiences. Just as developing math and reading skills takes effort and practice, each child must work at learning the skills necessary to get along with other people. Developing successful social skills takes practice and experience. Just as you check you child’s homework and review his report card, you can also monitor and assist the development of social skills. You can evaluate your child’s social skills by observing him in a variety of situations. In addition, asking the right questions of teachers, scout leaders, etc. will increase the reliability of your observations. Try asking the following questions: What activities does my child participate in? Do the other children involved like him? Has he made friends as a result of this activity? Does he interact with other children in groups and individually? Does he play an active or passive role? Do other children readily include him? Do other children accept invitations to play at our home? Is my child invited to play at other children’s homes? Next, look for behaviors which might cause your child difficulty with his friends. The following behaviors frequently interfere with the development and maintenance of relationships between children. 1. Immaturity in language development. 2. Impulsive or distractable behaviors. 3. Inability to “shift gears” or move smoothly from one activity to another. 4. Inability to “read” nonverbal cues or body language of others. 5. Erratic or unpredictable behaviors. 6. School failure. Studies have shown that Learning Disabled children are generally considered to have a low social status in the classroom. 7. Aggressive behaviors. 8. Short temper. 9. Over possessive of friends. 10. Inability to learn or remember rules. 11. Immature physical development or coordination. If you decide that a little homework on social skills is in order, you will need to enlist your creativity. Structured information and programs for academic problems are abundant but it’s difficult to find programs for children with problems in social skill development. Here are some suggestions that you may adapt for your child’s needs. 1. If your child seems immature compared to his peers, allow him to play with younger children. This may give him a safe place to practice his developing social skills. 2. Investigate community resources for children’s group activities. A common interest may spark friendships. 3. Encourage your child’s special interests and abilities. This can boost his self esteem and his peers interest in him. 4. Look for family activities that will enhance and teach appropriate skills. Children first learn social skills through family interactions. 5. Allow your child to drop an activity for awhile if he feels defeated. The lesson of “finishing what you start” can come later. 6. A pet is a good beginning for some children. It’s both a way to teach specific skills and provide companionship. 7. Look at your child’s peer group and become aware of fads, clothing, etc. that may make him feel he “fits in”. 8. Ask friends, teachers, the school counselor, etc. for suggestions or assistance. 9. Seek professional assistance for underlying problems such as learning disabilities or language delays. You can teach a child to use a dictionary if he cannot spell, but you won’t be able to hand him a book to compensate for inadequate social skills. The ability to relate to others is a necessity throughout life. Some children will develop these skills through their own trial and error, others may need a little extra guidance and assistance. |
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