| Children's Therapy Center 601 South Shore Dr., Suite #121. Battle Creek, MI 49014 (269) 963-7979 www.helpingyourchild.com copyright 2006 Children's Therapy Center |
| CHILDREN'S THERAPY CENTER of Battle Creek, MI |
helping your child succeed!
| CHILDREN'S THERAPY CENTER of Battle Creek, MI |
| Getting it Together The Children's Therapy Center Newsletter PARENTING IN A STRESSFUL WORLD So many times parents need to say no - part 1 By Susan Neuman Taylor, MSW, CSW, LMFT I have often discussed with my mother my own journey down the parenthood path. One of the points that recurs in our discussions is the fact that children and parents today are faced with many more decisions and choices than parents of one or two generations ago. One example of this, which has also come up repeatedly in my discussions with my mother, is the wide number of settings in which toys are available. My mother has often reflected that toys, on a large scale, were only available to us during the Christmas season. Even then, toys were only readily available in certain department stores. She was not faced with having to turn down so many requests from my sister and myself because the desirable objects did not present themselves in the grocery store, drug store, and other locations frequently visited. Today, parents and their children are bombarded with all sorts of attractive items, not only in stores, but on cereal boxes and in TV advertisements. Somehow, the more there is to want, the more we all, our children included, seem to think that we need. This puts us all in the position of having to make choices about whether or not we are going to say, "yes", or, "no", about spending money. Unfortunately, the items seen as "basic" have become more expensive. These include such things as video game systems, personal cd players, TVs, and computers with software options. So not only are we, as parents, put in the decision-making mode more frequently, items that are viewed as essentials for children are more expensive. So how do we cope with all this want that is generated in our children? The first thing I would offer is to make the distinction between what is a "need" versus what is a "want". Needs are things that are required to survive, like food, shelter, clothing, medical care, education, and love. Next, review your family's values. Is it important to have what everyone else has? Is it more important to save for future goals or emergencies, or to have something at this very moment? While buying things can be fun at the time of purchase, how long does that good feeling really last? This final point is especially important at the earliest ages. At this time, it is so much fun for us to buy small items for our little ones and enjoy that big smile. Unfortunately, this can set the tone for a request to be made each time a store is entered. Then we find ourselves having to say "no" more often. It also reinforces that money must be spent and things acquired in order to be happy. The message is sent that happiness, and sometimes love or acceptance, has a monetary value placed on it. |
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